Bickering
by etcetera-cat
Summary: Alters on loan from another writer find themselves in a very disturbing place... etcetera-cat's mind...


**Diclaimer:**  The few twisted fragments recognisable as coming from Velgarth are entirely the property of Mercedes Lackey.  The rest is entirely the product of my imagination… oh dear…

**Notes:**  Completely, _completely_ pointless one-shot parody type malarkey here.  The base for this was something I wrote on the spur of the moment over at my LiveJournal when I was working on _No Tomorrow_ for **Senashenta**.  Teegan and Mindoc are entirely her creations and alters and I command thee to go read the sequeal she did to _No Tomorrow_, titled _Yesterday.  _Yup, yup…__

**Bickering.**  
  
  Companion Mindoc gazed at the latop screen in blank disbelief. _:I can not honestly believe the nerve of that- when did _this_ lot appear?!:_ His Mindovice was annoyed and carried a distinct red tinge. His Chosen, Teegan shrugged mournfully and fidled with the roller button on the mouse as he slumped further down in the bland office wheely-chair that he was currently sitting on.

  
  "I don't know," he confessed in a tired voice. "I only just found it, she must have done it while we were asleep."

  
  _:But, I thought she was last seen exiting stage right with Teva hot on her tail, yelling about updating Grass?:_ Mindoc flicked one ear and looked around for support.

  
  A reply came from one of the other assembled alters. _:That doesn't necessarily mean anything,:_ the voice was calm and measured,_ :remember that cat's the writer and this is her place.:_ The charcoal and brown kyree who was speaking yawned and rocked back on his haunches, ignoring the confused stares of the majority of the rest of the alters.

  
  "Excuse me," A thin, brown haired Herald by the name of Alexander piped up, "but I don't think I recognise you..."

  
  _:I'm Taarn.:_ The kyree licked one paw for a moment before continuing. _:I was unFormed until about five minutes ago.:_  The above-space that passed for a sky slowly changed colour from grey to blue.

  
  "Oh," The speaker this time was a bemused looked Tayledras scout, toting a large sun-tail hawk on one fist. "I guess that'd explain it."  Several of the other alters nodded and muttered in agreement as the 'sky' got bored of being blue and begin to develop a distinctly tartan pattern in lemon yellow.

  
  _:Want hunt Shadowstar!:_ The hawk complained in a piecing Mindvoice. _:Reeka not like silly cat-head. Smells funny.:_

  
  Teegan blinked. "Umm... I- I thu-thought tha-that buh-b-birds d-didn't h-have a suh-sense of smuh-smell?" He scratched his brown hair with one hand and swung absentmindly from side to side in the office chair.

  
  _:It's this bloody causal narrative that cat calls reality around these parts,:_ the Groveborn Companion Veran looked up from the game of chess-by-proxy he was playing with one of the other Groveborns, Dadero, with the assistance of two of Dadero's Chosen- Levi and Jadi. _:It's a right sod for mucking things up.:_

  
  Shadowstar nodded. "He's right- last week I woke up and found that my climbing stick had inexplicably become a small pickled fish and I was sky blue from head to toe."

  
  _:I appreciated the fish.:_ The Changeling, Cat sniffed and looked up from an intensive grooming session of her tail and Shadowstar sighed.

  
  "I know you did, dear. Unfortunately, I _didn't_ appreicate being blue."

  
  "Smurf" The statement was made in a female voice and was accompanied by a fit of giggling. A shuffling about revealed the speaker as a young woman dressed entirely in black, with post "static balloon attack" hair. Rainbows danced in the air around her and she grinned mischieviously before seating herself comfortably on thin air.

  
  _:Who the _Hells_ is that?!_ Mindoc sidled over to Teegan and stared at the young woman.

  
  "That isss a Magpie, Ryllar." Silver Gryphon Wing Leader Garna Esdrakae stretched one wing and eyed the shapeshifter sourly. "Ssshess one of the orrriginalsss"

  
  "What is a smurf?" Shadowstar asked the Magpie, arms crossed over his chest.

  "Originals?  What does that mean?"  Teegan asked at the same time, looping one arm around Mindoc's bent neck and scratching absently at his crest.

  _:It means that she is _entirely_ of cat's imagination.:_  The answer came from a proud looking dyheli stag who had been playing spectator and judge for the Groveborn's chess match.  _:Unlike most of us, who can only claim to be characterisations using an already defined set of rules—:_

  "Oh, do be quiet Nadran."  An irritated woman dressed in green Tayledras clothing shot a look at the King Stag.  "Really," Dawnfrost continued, "you're almost as bad as Dadero and his be-damned 'significant lines'!"

  _:I could—:_

  "_No!_ Dadero!"  The joint shout echoed upwards towards the now purple and green zebra striped sky as Monarch's Own Levi and Jadi both grabbed hold of Dadero's muzzle and clamped his mouth shut.

  The gryphon, Garna, rolled his eyes.  "Ass if _that_ will do any good."  He pointed out.  "Sstupid horrsse will jussst babble into ourrr mindss anyway."  The scout leader spread wide his coppery wings and shook himself vigorously before clacking his beak, ignoring the glare the 'horse' comment had earned him from most of the white not-equines in the group; those who were paying attention.  "I'm going hunting, anyone elsse?"

  Without waiting for an answer, the eagle-type gryphon launched himself grandly into the air with mighty wing beats.  Mindoc watched him owlishly and leaned into Teegan's reassuring scratches.

  Several scouts of the Tayledras persuasion detached themselves from the edges of the group and followed after the aleady distand figure of the gryphon.  The scenery ahead of them faded slightly, the rolling hills disappearing and being replaced by a dark green smudge of wild forest.

  Teegan blinked in confusion.  "D-did th-t-that ju-jut…?"

  "Like Veran said; it's the casual narrative reality around here."  A female Herald answered, without looking up from the book she was engrossed in whilst leaning comfortably against the flank of her Companion.  "You get used to it after a while."

  _:I'm not sure I want to be here long enough to 'get used to it', you know.:_  Mindoc confided quietly to his Chosen, who nodded slightly in reply.  
  "A small blue pixie." Ryllar finally informed the general area seriously, eliciting bemused looks from those near her.

  The Magpie fidgeted slightly and indigo sparks crackled around her hands for a moment.  "A smurf is a small blue pixie," she clarified before turning her attention back to Shadowstar "did you know that your hair is turning pink?"

  
"What?!" The male Tayledras shook Reeka off his shoulder as he pawed at his normally brown and grey dyed hair, ignoring Reeka's caws of disgust as he flapped off, and instead staring in dumb amazement at his now magenta coloured hair.

  
  _:Casual narrative reality.:_ Dadero blinked. _:Luckily for the rest of us, it seems to centre on Shadowstar for some reason.:_ The Groveborn Companion ambled over to Teegan, who was still seated at the desk and laptop. _:What exactly seems to be the proble-oh.:_ He stopped abruptly as his eyes scanned down the page displayed on the screen.

  
  "Oh?" Herald-Courier Myri looked up from the book she had been reading, eyebrow raising as she uncrossed her ankles. "I'm guessing it's a bad 'oh'?"

  
  Dallian sighed, his sides heaving under Myri. _:Since when is it ever a good 'oh' where a certain feline pseudo-writer is concerned?:_ He asked in a resigned tone of voice.

  
  "Good point, that Companion." Ryllar sat up on her invisible seat and clapped her hands together. "Now let's have a look!" She was joined by a growing crowd of alters, who eventually pushed Teegan and Mindoc completely away from the computer and left them standing bemusedly to one side.

  Therefore, they were the first ones to notice the lone Companion mare approaching.  Stomping, really.

  _:That bloody writer!:_  The annoyed, and definitely female Mindvoice echoed around the area and gained the attention of the rest of the alters.

  "Heyla, Teva."  Dawnfrost greeted the iate looking Companion.  "I take it that you lost her then?"

  A snort which rapidly became a sigh.  _:You could say that, the damnable feline high-tailed it over to the Edges and started doing _coursework_ of all things!:_  Several of the newer alters flinched in sympathy.  etcetera-cat really was being stubborn if she was voluntarily doing work related paper-things.

  Teva sighed and turned her sapphire eyes over the collected alters, finally settling on Mindoc and Teegan.  _:I don't recognise you,:_ she stated, _:which either means the damnable feline has been Forming alters again or that you don't belong here.:_

_  :She has been Forming.: _ The motherly figure of Companion Derri told her daughter, before nodding at Taarn.  The kyree produced the canine equivalent of a nervous grin and slightly wagged his tail.

  Teva eyed him up and down before sighing again.  _:Wonderful.:_  Her attention swung back to Teegan and his Companion.  _:And you?:_

_  :Uh,:_ Mindoc made a diffident sound, _:we're just here temporarily… we're Senashenta's really.:_

  Teva blinked with what looked like surprise and shook her forelock out of her eyes.  _:Oh,:_ she said in a slightly non-plussed tone of Mindvoice, her train of thought obviously stopped by a points failure, if not derailed.  _:Well, hello and welcome to cat's mind… watch out for the rains of angst.  I'm Teva… nominally in charge around here, what with being the oldest active alter and so on.:_

  Teegan stared around.  The sky seemed to have given up on the zebra print several minutes ago and was now imitating great works of art.  For some reason, there seemed to be melting clocks draped over rocks and twigs and a prevalence of ants.  He decided not to ask; particularly since the distant forest had inexplicably turned into a distant _ocean_ instead.  "O-oh."

  "Heh," the Magpie snorted cynically and stabbed a finger at the inoffensively glowing square of the laptop's flat screen.  "I'd say that warning is more than slightly late."

  "I'd agree."  A blonde Herald crossed his arms and glanced briefly at the pair of tempory residents.

  "Sam and Ryll are right, Teva— you haven't seen this effort."

  _:Not _another_ angsty one-shot?:_  Teva asked incredulously, giving a distinct impression of eyebrows arched in surprise as she moved quickly over to the small, technology holding, desk.

  _:Like you wouldn't believe.:  _Veran rolled his eyes.  _:Maybe she's gotten at some of those mushrooms while we weren't watching?:_

  _:Havens forfend,:_ Cat whispered.  _:Who _knows_ what it'd get like in here?:_

  _:Hmm.:_  Teva reached the screen and began to read, the other alters joining in avidly.  
  The air was soon filled with good natured cat-calls and comparisons on roles in 'fics.  
  "Well, we called a Final Strike!"  Myri stated proudly.

  _:…and it bloody hurt…:_  Dallian muttered in counterpoint to his Herald.  _:Honestly Myi, you're so…:_

  "Gung-ho?"  Ryllar offered, looking back over one black clad shoulder at the stallion.

  _:Exactly; so 'gung-ho' sometimes.:_

  "Picky, picky."  Myri stuck her tounge out at Dalli and rolled her eyes.

  
  "I'm insane in my own mind and gradually fading away... I think I'm going to be a wolf—"  A random Hawkbrother woman stated in a dreamy voice, prompting those near her to shuffle away slightly and shoot each other significant looks.

  
  _:Dash got his ass killed off in about the second paragraph and left me to rampage around insane for the remaing two thousand odd words.:_  That was from an aggrieved looking Companion mare.

  
  _:I have a damn good line in..well... lines, actually, want to hear them?:_

  
  "I fell off a cliff. etcetera-cat pushed me."  Herald Myet sniffed.

  "Really?"  Shadowstar was momentarily distracted from his eye-searingly bright hair.  "Me too!"

  
  "No, Dadero, we don't want to hear those Gods-be-damned lines _again_! The first fifty times were enough!"  Levi gritted his teeth.

  
  _:I bought it in a rockslide-:_  Jai blinked.  _:The same one Myet is talking about.:_

  
  _:Ahem "Everything happens for a-:_

  
  _:Shut up Dadero.:  _Teva said distractedly.

  
  "Bandits got Adavan and I went insane."  Fitch Tanner stated, before biting into an apple and offering the remaing half to her Companion, Adavan.

  
  "I died of old age, actually..."  The voice sounded slightly embarrassed, and Herald Jalli coughed as surprised faces were turned towards him.

  
  "Really? Most of the rest of us go insane first and then die in a horrible fashion-" That was the general consensus from most of the alters nearby.

  
  Jalli's Companion, Medili shrugged philosophically.  _:'Fraid not, we just died of old age-:_ she said cheerfully.

  
  "Now _that's_ unusual around here..."  A rather soot-blackened Herald called Daveki mused slowly,before being drawn back into the one-up-manship prevaling around him.

  
  _:How in the Havens do they survive around here?:_ Teegan asked Mindoc quietly as the pair slowly backd away from the lively bickering mass.

  
  _:Isn't it obvious?:_ Mindoc nuzzled his Chosen. _:They're all bonkers.:_

  
  _:Oh, I was afraid of that.:_


End file.
